I feel like I completely fell off the face of the planet the past 6 weeks.
I kind of did.
It felt like I didn’t have a second to stop. School, work, doctors, trying to have a social life, eating food, washing my hair….you know, all the things. Life.
Then last week, it all crumbled and came together at the exact same time. I was at maximum stress levels and felt like a crazy person. I came down with a dreadful cold, had all of my midterms smushed together in a week, wasn’t getting more than about 4 hours of sleep a night, and was just overall an emotional mess. But I wasn’t going to tell anyone. because I’m stubborn like that. I was also completely out of my element. I was house-sitting for a friend for the week, so I was in a completely new environment. The unusual stresses me out. A lot. And not being in the safe comfort of my own bed during such a hot mess of a week was freaking me out a lot at first. But then something magical happened.
I found myself in a space of my own (even though it wasn’t technically my own) for the first time in what seemed like forever. There was quiet, and I could think. I could really be with myself. I could recharge. I had a lot to do, but still, somehow things felt like they had slowed down, if just for a second. So in the silence, I thought. I thought a lot. Deep and hard. And I finally was able to articulate to myself what I have been feeling these past few weeks.
I have been feeling so overwhelmingly inspired and passionate, but I haven’t known how to let it out. And that’s been making me burst at the seams. I’ve been surrounded by some truly spectacular people recently – people who make me think and crave and hope and dream. They inspire me, and they have reminded me that I don’t want to let the passion inside of me just crash and burn. I want to use it.
I hadn’t written in a while because I wasn’t sure what to say. There are a lot of things I want to talk about, but I haven’t been sure how I want to bring them all up. Then I reminded myself of the one thing I love most about myself: honesty.
I’m dreadfully honest. Like super straightforward, blunt, make-you-uncomfortable kind of honest. I like to talk about things that most people want to avoid, because…WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING THEM? Let’s talk about it. And that’s why I started this blog to begin with. I want to talk about the superficial crap like my favorite makeup and clothes I like and yummy recipes and my favorite workouts, but I also want to talk about things that are very near and dear to my heart and are serious. Body image. Health issues. Wellness. Disordered eating. Female empowerment. Bullying. Depression. Anxiety. Things I have struggled with, have learned monumental amounts from, and want to open up a conversation about. Reading other people’s blogs was what got me through some of the most difficult periods of my life this far. Hearing the stories of others who were struggling in the same way as me made me feel not so alone anymore. There was so much comfort in knowing that someone else could understand, even if I didn’t know them personally. So that’s why I started this. Because if I can spill my guts and share what I’ve gone through and just make ONE person feel like he/she isn’t alone for a second, then I’ll be happy. And if I sprinkle in some random posts about my favorite chick flicks and my obsession with Christmas and makeup along the way, then that can be part of the party too.
So I’m making a commitment to myself right now to stay honest and true to my intentions and goals, and to just go for it. I’ve been bursting with inspiration recently, and I want to cultivate it. I don’t want to lose it. I’m going to cherish those relationships that are bringing me the good vibes, and I’m going to invest myself in things that fuel my soul. Because that’s what life’s about, right?