I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone in my life that the last year has been an intense initiation for me – a pretty much consistent death and rebirth process. As I’ve shared before – in many ways, that’s how my life always goes. I often feel like I have so much to say that I can’t say anything at all, because it would be too much to even bother catching anyone up. So I either stay consistent or don’t say anything. Anyway, the last 6 months have felt really different, and I’ve known that the next 3 years, ages 27 to 30 for me, would be a unique pocket of time where everything would change. It’s just weird finally being in it. I think all of my close friends are used to my life looking like a reality show, but it really hit me the other day when one of my best friends said, “I feel like you always have crazy shit going on, but I’ve never seen you get pummeled in so many directions.” And that’s what it was — I couldn’t even keep up with myself. My friendships, family life, business, physical body, spiritual initiations – every direction.

So I took a lot of the last month to sit with myself and really “detox” in new ways. I’ve been recognizing where I need even tighter boundaries, realizing where I had to release things I really didn’t want to, acknowledge deep hurt and frustration I had that I wasn’t fully letting myself go into. And as I started cleaning up my house, I started cleaning up my relationships, and my business, and I found myself in a big releasing, grieving, realization, inspiration cycle again and again. It’s an interesting space to be. And I am happy to relay that in the last few days I feel like I finally came out into the light, and I have been SO INSPIRED ever since. Like all of the clarity I needed has just been flowing in consistently, and I feel like a high. And from all of the clearing, releasing, and calibrating, I had a series of very intense physical activations, and I feel like this is the part of the process no one really talks about.

I have a really high pain tolerance from my years with chronic illness – you get used to just pretending like the excruciating pain isn’t there all the time, because there’s really no other choice if you want to function in your daily life, and people around you have no idea unless you tell them, because they can’t see it. And I’m not really one to say anything because I don’t feel there’s any need to add energy to something I don’t want to continue longer than it needs to. Ha.

There are a lot of blocks to “ascension” for people – the thing is, that’s where your soul naturally wants to lead your body, but we get in the way of our highest timeline all the time. We don’t want to feel or express our emotions, we don’t want to release, we don’t want to leave the job or the relationship or the city, we don’t want to tear down everything we’ve built, we don’t want to make a change because it feels like too much work. So if we don’t want to, and we choose not to, then that’s fine – that’s our choice, but that’s also a choice to not live the highest timeline. That’s where we get in the way. When it comes to the physical part of ascension, it is also often not comfortable. It will look different for everyone, but a big aspect is purging effects – acne, digestive issues, rashes, throat stuff, release of all forms. Then there might be weight gain, there might be extreme fatigue, headaches. Your body trying to get out all of the old energy, your body trying to hold more light / energy, your body trying to ground you in, your body trying to anchor in light codes, your body trying to tell you to hermit for awhile so you can actually rest and recover. Personally, every major spiritual and physical upgrade I’ve gotten has been after a very painful physical process. Like, it hurts. I spent 80% of my last week on the floor literally yelling out in pain – saying a lot when I know my pain tolerance. And I am not saying any of this for any pity at all – that’s why I don’t usually talk about it, because I’m fine with it. I get it. But the guides want me to share this kind of stuff so people understand what goes on // can have a different perspective if / when they experience something similar.

And so, are we willing to go through the period of discomfort if it means a fully aligned physical vessel on the other side? The way they describe it is – you can live at 75% your whole life, or be willing to go down to 20% to later hit 100%. You decide. We see this in our life choices, and mirrored in our relationship to our physical bodies as well. To me, it’s actually a beautiful thing – because when it comes up with our physical bodies in the form of a symptom or issue we “don’t want,” our level of resistance is going to mirror our level of resistance in other areas of our lives – and from there it’s quite clear where we are in our own way of ascension.

How willing are we to allow? How willing are we to surrender? How willing are we to recalibrate to something new? Where are we still trying to control everything from our ego? That’s what it really hits on – control. As an enneagram 8, it pushes my deepest buttons. Haha! Our ego, our mind makes a judgment on what’s “wrong” or “bad” – saying we “shouldn’t” be that weight, have that acne, have these headaches, have this fatigue, be dealing with that flu — but that’s a judgment from the ego. On a soul level, what if we should? And I have found that when I let myself go into that possibility, I find everything else I need to know underneath.