by Christina | Jun 6, 2022 | THE CHANNEL DIARIES
Since channeling my book on love, my head has been spinning about relationships, divine love, and how we relate to each other as people in general. Something that I’ve been regularly reflecting on, especially since my last breakup, has been communicating what makes me feel loved more clearly, in the context of romantic relationships. That’s definitely been the hardest place for me historically — to fully own what I need and, honestly, to require more of other people. That aside, a different angle of it came up for me this weekend. One of my close friends and I have been talking a lot recently about the type of support we want and need from people in our lives – really, our friends and our teams (in terms of business). I think we’re both in a period of reflection about who is actually contributing to our lives, and I know at least for me, I’m realizing how I really need to upgrade my boundaries and requirements in order to feel my best. I’ve gone in hermit mode the last few weeks to really reflect, and I realized that I was giving my away my peace by being a little too lax with who has access to my energy.
Anyway, this friend and I have similar histories with asking for support, hyper-independence, etc. and something we have moved through really well has been using each other to re-pattern the hyper-independence. I told her to ask me for exactly what she wants and needs – I LOVE to “serve” people I love. And when someone gives me the cheat sheet, (“I love when you do XYZ for me,” or “I love when we do XYZ together,” or “XYZ would feel so nourishing for me right now”) I am sooo grateful for that!
Anyway, I was telling her how upon reflecting I have realized that there are too many people who have “access” to my energy who do not show up for me the way I show up for them, and from there she posed the question, “What are 5 things that would make you feel supported this month from your friends that you could ask for?”
So I sat there and thought for a moment about what it would look like for me to actually feel supported. I came up with 6 things. Here is the expanded version of what I came up with as to what makes me feel supported / loved that I could express to my friends.
- Express gratitude to me. Anytime someone sends me a personal note or public display of affection, it makes me feel so seen and appreciated. I am a big words of affirmation person and I save all the words of affirmation I get in a photo album on my phone to look at because it makes me feel good. For much of my life I pretty much received the opposite, so words of affirmation mean a lot to me. Often I feel like I pour into everyone but no one even notices / cares, which is absolutely NOT TRUE AT ALL, but my ego / inner child plays that game with me. The other aspect of this that came up in conversation was that it definitely would mean a lot to me if people shared more often on stories about my work, for instance, when it makes sense. And for a long time I didn’t let myself admit that, because I thought that was too much to ask, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t sort of rub me the wrong way when I see certain people showing a lot of public support for others but not for me, when I know they are getting much of their “inspiration” from our work together. To be more tangible, I have a lot of clients with large platforms, and sometimes they will make podcasts or posts where they are teaching exactly what they just reflected on either from one of my courses or from a session, and there’s no mention of “this came up in my session with my energy healer, Christina,” for example. Those little shoutouts mean a lot to me. I’ve had clients go through my Ascension Activator and each day pretty much verbatim share the daily lesson on their stories and frame it as their own thoughts – when it was exactly from my course, after just messaging me about what they got from the lesson. Or reading the book, messaging me about how much it has changed my life and what’s coming up for them, and then posting about a concept from it but not ever mentioning the book / where it’s from. It is what it is, but I realized that for me it really is important that I express to people how much it supports me, my work, and my business when they take an extra 30 seconds to share a screenshot of the book, for example, or if they’re going to record a 45 minute podcast episode about something they learned from me, to give a quick mention that it was inspired from a conversation we had together or something they read in my book. And where I used to tell myself not to ask for that because it was “too much,” I’ve realized that I need to ask for that, otherwise people don’t know how much that means to me.
- Make a decision or plan something for me. I am making decisions all day long and I get exhausted. I am definitely in a more masculine energy pretty consistently in terms of making decisions, planning, holding space – for myself in my business, as well as in most of my relationships. And I get tired. (I will also add, I have been in that energy since a very young age, so that adds even more to the fatigue around it.) So when a friend asks me to hang out and then wants me to plan it, I groan. I don’t want to decide where to go for dinner, or what movie to watch, so on and so forth. It feels sooo nourishing to me when someone else plans something or makes decisions that I don’t HAVE to make for me. Even just a, “would you want to do this?” vs an open, “What do you want to do?” is appreciated by my sacral. I would rather just not do anything than have to decide. Haha. And to be honest, this has been one of the reasons I hesitate to ask for “support” or involve other people – sometimes I feel like it requires me to make even more decisions when I delegate or ask for help, than actually takes any stress off of me. I feel super supported when other people take the lead whenever possible.
- Someone asks me to hang out without an agenda. I find that a lot of people only ask me to hang out when there’s something they want from me – they’re having a problem, they want advice, they need someone to listen – and while I love supporting people in that way, it is obvious to me when that’s the only time they reach out. What about spending time just to spend time? I find most people see me as the person to go to when they need a friend who can hold space, and then for the agenda-less meetings, they go to other friends. But then from my perspective, I am always getting the “problems,” which feels like constant work for me, so then I tell people I don’t want to hang out. The other part of this is “side door” energy – which is going through the side door when they should go through the front. For example, asking me to lunch when they really just want business advice. No — book a session. People will often try to have a “session” through asking me to go to coffee, lunch, dinner, etc. I have learned my lessons! Haha. It has really come to my attention in the last six months just how many of my “friends” should actually be clients. And that has been a tough pill to swallow. I also think that a lot of people think they need a reason to reach out – when really, I prefer the opposite. I love agenda-less hangouts.
- Anytime someone takes something off my plate. This is related to number 2. It could be a decision, but also a task. This is SO RARE, but when it happens, literally nothing makes me feel more loved. Like, “oh I picked this up for you so you didn’t have to,” or “I found this person to do XYZ I knew you were looking for,” or “I took care of that XYZ for you.” OMG! My heart. One less thing on my plate is the best act of love.
- Anytime anyone takes care of me. I love taking care of people – full out. If a friend comes over, I will literally cook for them all day, serve them any way I can. Growing up I would invite friends over and personally give them all facials, do everyone’s nails. I love doing people’s makeup and hair. Anything like that! It’s the same feeling as when you’re home and all you do is sit on your couch and your mom serves you hand and foot. (Shoutout to both my parents who literally don’t make me lift a finger when I’m visiting them LOL)! Anyway, when a friend makes me TEA while I sit on the couch, I feel so loved.
- This is extra and sort of unrelated but I added this to the list – two whole days off. For me, if I even look at one work-related message, I don’t feel like I have a day off. Yesterday I had a day off – I gave myself a 10-step facial, did an aura cleansing bath, lymphatic drainage full out (sauna, dry brushing, enema, etc.), did my nails, went on a walk, drank lots of lattes and hung out with the guides. It was the best. And I felt SO recharged and inspired. I need two of those a week, minimum. Ha. My guides also told me that I need to really only be on screens 2-3 days a week and that’s been why I’ve been having certain head symptoms (accurate.) Getting there.
Those were the six things I wrote down in my phone, and I was sort of surprised when I looked back at it. I was just being honest. And I read them to my friend and she said, “Those sound great – now ask for them.” It was such a duh moment – I have been thinking about this so much in the context of romantic relationships, practicing communicating what I need in that context and seeing how well it’s been going, but then I had to think – well how do I want to be supported and loved by other people in my life? I think that so often we know what we don’t want but we haven’t been clear on what we do want. A lot of that I feel is judging ourselves for even admitting and claiming what we do want. It’s not too much. It’s just being honest.
by Christina | Jun 3, 2022 | THE CHANNEL DIARIES
I don’t think it’s a secret to anyone in my life that the last year has been an intense initiation for me – a pretty much consistent death and rebirth process. As I’ve shared before – in many ways, that’s how my life always goes. I often feel like I have so much to say that I can’t say anything at all, because it would be too much to even bother catching anyone up. So I either stay consistent or don’t say anything. Anyway, the last 6 months have felt really different, and I’ve known that the next 3 years, ages 27 to 30 for me, would be a unique pocket of time where everything would change. It’s just weird finally being in it. I think all of my close friends are used to my life looking like a reality show, but it really hit me the other day when one of my best friends said, “I feel like you always have crazy shit going on, but I’ve never seen you get pummeled in so many directions.” And that’s what it was — I couldn’t even keep up with myself. My friendships, family life, business, physical body, spiritual initiations – every direction.
So I took a lot of the last month to sit with myself and really “detox” in new ways. I’ve been recognizing where I need even tighter boundaries, realizing where I had to release things I really didn’t want to, acknowledge deep hurt and frustration I had that I wasn’t fully letting myself go into. And as I started cleaning up my house, I started cleaning up my relationships, and my business, and I found myself in a big releasing, grieving, realization, inspiration cycle again and again. It’s an interesting space to be. And I am happy to relay that in the last few days I feel like I finally came out into the light, and I have been SO INSPIRED ever since. Like all of the clarity I needed has just been flowing in consistently, and I feel like a high. And from all of the clearing, releasing, and calibrating, I had a series of very intense physical activations, and I feel like this is the part of the process no one really talks about.
I have a really high pain tolerance from my years with chronic illness – you get used to just pretending like the excruciating pain isn’t there all the time, because there’s really no other choice if you want to function in your daily life, and people around you have no idea unless you tell them, because they can’t see it. And I’m not really one to say anything because I don’t feel there’s any need to add energy to something I don’t want to continue longer than it needs to. Ha.
There are a lot of blocks to “ascension” for people – the thing is, that’s where your soul naturally wants to lead your body, but we get in the way of our highest timeline all the time. We don’t want to feel or express our emotions, we don’t want to release, we don’t want to leave the job or the relationship or the city, we don’t want to tear down everything we’ve built, we don’t want to make a change because it feels like too much work. So if we don’t want to, and we choose not to, then that’s fine – that’s our choice, but that’s also a choice to not live the highest timeline. That’s where we get in the way. When it comes to the physical part of ascension, it is also often not comfortable. It will look different for everyone, but a big aspect is purging effects – acne, digestive issues, rashes, throat stuff, release of all forms. Then there might be weight gain, there might be extreme fatigue, headaches. Your body trying to get out all of the old energy, your body trying to hold more light / energy, your body trying to ground you in, your body trying to anchor in light codes, your body trying to tell you to hermit for awhile so you can actually rest and recover. Personally, every major spiritual and physical upgrade I’ve gotten has been after a very painful physical process. Like, it hurts. I spent 80% of my last week on the floor literally yelling out in pain – saying a lot when I know my pain tolerance. And I am not saying any of this for any pity at all – that’s why I don’t usually talk about it, because I’m fine with it. I get it. But the guides want me to share this kind of stuff so people understand what goes on // can have a different perspective if / when they experience something similar.
And so, are we willing to go through the period of discomfort if it means a fully aligned physical vessel on the other side? The way they describe it is – you can live at 75% your whole life, or be willing to go down to 20% to later hit 100%. You decide. We see this in our life choices, and mirrored in our relationship to our physical bodies as well. To me, it’s actually a beautiful thing – because when it comes up with our physical bodies in the form of a symptom or issue we “don’t want,” our level of resistance is going to mirror our level of resistance in other areas of our lives – and from there it’s quite clear where we are in our own way of ascension.
How willing are we to allow? How willing are we to surrender? How willing are we to recalibrate to something new? Where are we still trying to control everything from our ego? That’s what it really hits on – control. As an enneagram 8, it pushes my deepest buttons. Haha! Our ego, our mind makes a judgment on what’s “wrong” or “bad” – saying we “shouldn’t” be that weight, have that acne, have these headaches, have this fatigue, be dealing with that flu — but that’s a judgment from the ego. On a soul level, what if we should? And I have found that when I let myself go into that possibility, I find everything else I need to know underneath.
by Christina | May 2, 2022 | THE CHANNEL DIARIES
I’m right in the middle of channeling the second book in the Monarch Being series, and it has come with a lot of surprises. It’s actually turning into a third book that I wasn’t anticipating, because too much information is coming through to all fit in this one.
Background – the Monarch Being told me years ago that they were going to write at least three books through me – one about manifestation, one about love, and one about healing. It has been very obvious to me throughout my life that whenever I’m going to teach about something, I’m going to live it first – those personal experiences connect me to deeper compassion, they give me firsthand stories to relate to people more clearly, and they give me examples to use when explaining any channeled information. I have to live it first, otherwise it’s too easy. ;P
It’s the difference between trying to learn something through reading a book versus actual lived experience. The lived experience is an embodied knowing. If I just channeled everything without living it, would I actually learn it? It’s totally different when the teachings are embodied, and in fact, it’s what allows me to open to channeling information. All of the wild experiences I’ve had in my life are what allow me to be a clear channel – otherwise certain information would get blocked from coming through. And there are still things I know I won’t access until I live certain experiences.
Anyway, my entire life was about manifestation before and during writing & releasing Manifestation Mastery – I learned manifestation from a lot of angles I didn’t expect, but that was a topic I was more comfortable with. I’ve had a lifetime of practice releasing, raising my vibration, manifesting, etc.
After that, I knew the next book was about love, and I got nervous. This is different than before, because I felt very prepped for Manifestation Mastery ahead of time. With this book, I’m going through “school” while I’m channeling it.
I will say – it never ceases to amaze me how the universe works. There was a distinct shift in everything that came into my reality after Manifestation Mastery was released – literally everything was about relationships. All of my clients were coming to me about relationships, my social media feeds were suddenly all about relationships, all of my close friends were going through big relationship transitions, my personal life got turned upside down as I came face to face with new soul connections, and I’ve been pushed to learn a lot of lessons, and see relationships in different ways. We’re also in a 6 year in numerology, so there’s that too. This book is triggering for me – to write, to read, to understand, because romantic relationships have always been my “weakest” spot.
What I mean by that is that I sort of always avoided them. I did not prioritize dating. I often avoided people who I knew wanted to date me, and I didn’t really know why. I’ve had some amazing relationships that I’m so grateful for – they really taught me how to love and how to be loved, and of course taught me a lot about myself. But I also know it’s much easier for me to be single than to be in a relationship. I always felt like I was far too comfortable being single – I watched as my friends always craved finding their partner, and I was never really concerned. We all have our biggest points of growth – for some people it’s family, for others money, for some career, for others friendships, for some health, and others romantic relationships. For many of us, a combination. And I’ve always known that my biggest growth point was in romantic relationships – other things were easier for me to focus on.
About four years ago I decided I really needed to break up that “avoidant” energy, so I started dating a lot. Whenever I can feel something I’m avoiding or have fear around, I like to cannonball right in. It was through that process that I realized the problem – I had already decided it was going to be difficult to find someone who could really see me & meet me where I was at. I realized places where my communication was really poor. I realized that I was dulling myself down to make other people more comfortable. I became aware of fears I didn’t know I had. I realized how scared I was to really let someone in. You know…all the relationship stuff. And I became fascinated by it – understanding relationship dynamics, masculine & feminine energy, communication breaks, the psychology of attraction, vibrational resonance in relationships. It’s interesting to me that I was always fascinated with relationships (for awhile in college I wanted to be a relationship therapist), yet I did not prioritize them myself. I preferred to observe them.
But to channel this book, I had to get thrown into the ring in terms of really understanding myself – because that’s what dating is. The book is about love in general.- the frequency of love, love in friendships, family, romantic life – but it also goes into different types of soul connections – soulmates, karmic soulmates, twin flames, and so on. I have been pummeled with the most bizarre experiences in a short amount of time so I would have firsthand experience discerning the different types of soul connections – it’s one thing to hear it, it’s another to live it.
So love, friendship, relationships, communication – this is all top of mind for me. I’m seeing it play out in so many ways in my own life, and seeing as everyone close to me is having a topsy turvy time period with love as well – all of which I’m learning from.
Anyway, channeling this book has really ripped me open personally. In good ways. But it’s a lot slower for me than writing the last one because I am REALLY moving through it personally, integrating what’s being shared, and having to really step out of my comfort zone and live out experiences as initiations to be able to bring all the information through.
I have a lot to say about it, but here are the things I’ve been thinking about most.
- People spend a lot of time creating stories about people and relationships, and then perceiving and choosing based on those stories. Most of those stories are not true – they are projections from our past, from conditioning, from our fears. Instead of creating stories in our heads, we need to honor the truth of what’s being shown in our reality, from our interactions with that person.
- Let people show you their truth. People tend to fall in love with illusion.
- Most people mistake obligation, commitment, infatuation, and / or codependency for love.
- Relationships break down, don’t work, or don’t even start because of poor communication. This is obvious, but it has become so clear to me that not understanding how to communicate – how to share or to listen – is the reason why so many people get caught up in stories, in projections, in assumptions. People are AFRAID to communicate – we’ve been taught that clear communication is too much, too direct, and that’s why relationships break down. Ask people questions directly. Express what you need. Be clear. All of this wishy washy stuff, questioning what is unknown – we need to COMMUNICATE.
- We have to learn how we want to be loved and be willing to express that. A lot of us are looking for something, but we don’t even know what we are looking for. A lot of us have unspoken expectations about how we want to be loved – people don’t know until you tell them. Know yourself well, and gift someone the key to how you feel loved. Don’t expect someone else to figure out what you don’t even know about yourself. Ask other people how they best receive love.
- Part of love is forgiveness, but sacrificing yourself isn’t love.
- Release expectations around what it will feel like to meet your *person* – it’s often the person you never expected or saw coming. Most people are attracted to what’s familiar, which usually isn’t what’s actually ideal to them.
I have a lot to say about all of these, but that’s where I’m at for now.
by Christina | May 2, 2022 | THE CHANNEL DIARIES
Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you should do it.
Closing No BS Biz School has been an emotional, bittersweet process for me. It has hit my ego hard. It’s one of many examples in my life of doing something that makes no sense at all, but trusting my intuition. And to be honest – this is why people get in their own way – they don’t listen to their intuition because it doesn’t make sense. And when BIG THINGS are happening – it never makes sense until you’re on the other side. I’m not going to understand why I need to do this until it’s done. I’ll look back on this in a year and think, “Yup, that’s why that had to happen, that’s how it led to something even better, even if I didn’t understand it in the moment.”
The last year for me has had a lot of cleanup energy. I’m releasing so much – in my personal life and in my career – shedding so many layers. And the more I release, the more I feel the energy flowing again, and the lighter I feel. There have been a lot of things that have been released that I never expected – No BS Biz School being one of them. That program is one of the things I am most proud of creating, because I have seen the genuinely life-changing transformations of countless clients who have gone through the process. I know there is nothing out there like it. It’s exactly what I wish I had when I first started my business. It’s accelerated business building as well as personal growth, and it cracks people open in beautiful ways. The testimonials from people who go through Biz School are why I do what I do – I mean, testimonials are why I do all of this – it’s people experiencing real results. People have huge personal transformations. They remember their own power. Some of the transformations are honestly unbelievable – it’s the stuff of miracles. In addition to that, Biz School has always felt like something that is just so me, and it made me me. To be honest, my memories of running live rounds of Biz School remind me of fond high school / college memories – those epic nights that made you who you are. That’s what Biz School felt like. I created and ran that program during a time when I was going through one of my own pivotal transformations. In the background, all of my channeling was opening up in new ways – that’s when I started trance channeling, met the Monarch Being, had some of my most unbelievable spiritual experiences. I was transforming every day, and I was on a high as my spiritual path exploded and I was obsessed with my business, my clients. It all felt so good and so right.
I learn just as much from my clients as they learn from me, if not more. Always. That’s why I love what I do – I never get bored, I always keep learning about myself, other people, the world, the universe. What I learned through Biz School was what true transformation looks like. I learned bravery, I learned openness, I learned sisterhood, I learned trust, I learned love. I get really emotional just thinking about it.
As much as I loved it, though, I knew it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. And that’s why it was SO hard, and such a process – I was good at it. I knew that it was my skillset – I felt totally in flow, clients were experiencing incredible transformations, it felt easy and effortless on my end – but I knew it wasn’t the mission. It always felt like a transitionary period – and it was. It got me out of nutrition. I don’t think I would have had the courage to make channeling / spirituality my business without that bridge, if I’m being honest. I also know that the people I met through No BS Biz School are some of the most important people I will meet in my life. As I was teaching the course, I knew that – that the main reason why I personally had to make that course was just a doorway in for many of those clients, so many of whom have been so pivotal in my own growth, and who I know will be in my life for a long time.
So my intuition knew that it was just a transition, that it was the bridge as my spiritual path opened up more (which was quite emotional), but my ego wanted to hang on. Whenever I’m out of alignment, or really – not on the mission, I get physical symptoms. Specifically, chronic illness symptoms. My higher self / my guides know how to motivate me. And as someone who is very stubborn and can push through pretty much anything, they get my attention with drastic physical blocks. So my physical body started to shut down, and I knew I had to get out of my own way.
The first transition was to make the program evergreen, which felt like a nice compromise because I love the program SO much and wholeheartedly believe in the content that it felt like it would be a crime to completely get rid of it. I thought about not keeping it open, but I honestly felt like a jerk doing that. I know that people need this information – it’s the direct roadmap I was looking for years ago — who am I to take that down when I know people need that information?
So I left the program as evergreen, and I physically felt much better. But after awhile, things were off. I felt really frustrated. I was having weird symptoms. I knew something was out of alignment. I knew I wasn’t doing something I was supposed to be doing, and I sat with that for months, genuinely confused what it was. What was in my way?
Because No BS Biz School was something just “there,” that I didn’t really spend time on, and I felt so confidently that that information needed to be available to support people, I never even thought it could be the thing holding me back. Eventually, I got the message. I was getting a massage, where I get most of my biggest downloads about my personal life, and my guides were telling me that I needed to let go of everything that wasn’t in alignment with the mission – which they showed me very clearly. Basically, anything not in alignment with being a channel. That finally opened up the space for me to even think of Biz School, and I didn’t want to believe it. I resisted it – it’s not taking up my time or space, why take it down?
It didn’t make sense, but as soon as it came to my conscious awareness, I knew I had to close it. It was like the next chapter of my life I had been craving so deeply couldn’t open until I closed that one. That’s also, synchronistically, when I had a Human Design reading with Erin Claire Jones who brought up that I have the Channel of Cycles (42-53), and mentioned that new chapters in my business wouldn’t open up unless I had a distinct closing of the old chapters. She said to think about any open ends in my business that were still connected to a different chapter, and that those might be blocking the energy of moving into the next phase. So I knew. And I told my assistant we had to close it, and I just kept telling myself not to think about it too much, because if I did, I would talk myself out of it.
It really hit my ego. The more I advertised Biz School again, the deeper the knife cut, because I was reminded of the incredible results people got, I was reminded of how effortless it is for me to talk about business, how natural it is for me to coach in that capacity, and, honestly, how easy to sell. Because it’s tangible, and it works. And it made me second guess myself a lot. Am I making my life harder than it needs to be? Am I making up that I need to get rid of this? Why do I need to close this out if it’s not even taking up any of my time? Why am I getting rid of this when I’m so good at it? Should I go back to business coaching – it feels so easy?
It made me so confused. But I just kept listening to my intuition. I asked for external signs. I just kept getting confirmation to release it, so I kept going, hearing my ego and heart go back and forth, to this day. Biz School officially closed on April 30th, which I chose simply because it was the last day of the month, but I didn’t realize was the eclipse. And with it came a lot of emotions for me, as I intensely felt the closing of that chapter. It was a distinct version of me – I know her, I see her, I feel her, I love her – and I didn’t want to let her go. But I had to if I wanted to transform into who I know I’m meant to be, as corny as it sounds.
One of the biggest lessons I have been reminded of through this process was – just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Just because people want you to do something doesn’t mean you should. Just because you’re good at something, doesn’t mean you should do it.
I was holding onto it because I was “good at it” and because people wanted it from me. But that doesn’t mean it was for me.
I share this because, as someone who changes a lot, and who releases a lot, most people don’t see the behind the scenes of that. Most people think I hear my intuition and don’t have any fears come up around it, and that’s not true. I often feel uncomfortable the whole way through, but I act from my heart. Most people know what they need to let go of or change to create the life they want, but they don’t take action on it because they want to understand the why, or how it will work out, before they make a change, and / or because they’re trying to wait until they’re not scared anymore, until they’re “ready,” before they make a move. They want “security.” You could be waiting forever. If I waited until I was ready, I would get nothing done. Like, ever. If I waited until I understood how it was going to work out in the end, I would be waiting forever. The clarity usually doesn’t come through until you’re on the other side. I know it will all make sense to me when it’s supposed to – but you just start with the first step in front of you.
So, yes, it has been emotional closing the program that has been the bulk of my income in recent years, particularly when it doesn’t make sense to my ego why it needs to happen. On a soul level, though, it’s resonance.
And, honestly, this is when letting go is harder, in my opinion. For me, it’s harder to let go of things that are fine, or that are great, than it is to let go of things that are clearly not serving me. Because when I know it’s not serving me, I know it’s going to be a weight lifted off my chest. But when it’s something that doesn’t have a clear negative, the ego can create stories – am I going to regret this? Why release it? What if it turns into something great? It’s FOMO.
The thing is, it’s still taking up space. And if we released all of the “neutrals” in our lives, instead of just the negatives, how much more space would we have for miracles to drop in?
by Christina | May 2, 2022 | THE CHANNEL DIARIES
I recently learned that I have Pluto conjunct midheaven – and I won’t pretend to understand all of what that means, but from what my astrologer friends have told me, it makes a lot of sense. Apparently most people never experience that transit because Pluto moves so slowly, and the gist is this – part of my whole life purpose “right now” (for awhile) is transforming. The energy is all about major life changes, making sure my life reflects my true purpose, spiritual transformation, don’t get too attached to anything in my business because big shifts are coming, my soul purpose needs to be expressed in my public life — Pluto being a highly transformative, intense energy, associated with death and rebirth, spiritual growth, and so on. Basically, dramatic changes in my life direction.
I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about ending cycles and starting new ones – I feel this so palpably in my life right now. However, I’ve also always felt like that was the overall theme of my life. I know a lot of people go through periods of death and rebirth, but for me it feels consistent. It has felt like that my whole life, more palpably so in the last 10 years – I’m just always going through a rebirth. With my health, my business, my relationships. It’s exhausting. It doesn’t help that I’m currently living on my Pluto line according to my astrocartography – so I’m really getting hit with that Pluto energy!
Transformation as a way of living, as a way of being, has taught me a lot about detachment. It has forced me to surrender, it has forced me to be adaptable, it has taught me to always trust that if it’s not this, it’s something better. I would not be able to make it through without anchoring into that knowing. My friends always joke that my life is like a reality TV show – so much happens every day. So much changes every day. And that’s one of the reasons why relationships are a little different for me – if I’m out of touch with someone for a bit, it often feels like too much has happened to even catch up. I can barely keep up.
With that transformation energy so alive in my life, I’ve learned to be okay with outgrowing things. Being okay with it doesn’t mean I don’t feel emotions around it, but it means that I accept it and feel my feels. I know how to move through the process, to honor the chapter, to open myself to the next one. I used to make myself wrong for outgrowing people, places, situations, parts of my career – and it led to physical sickness in my body. It led to anxiety and depression. Because I was keeping myself stuck in situations just for the sake of not moving too quickly, making myself feel guilty for outgrowing people, taking on projections, judgments, and conditioning that I was changing too fast — but that’s just who I am. The next chapter of my life has an entirely different flavor, and the guides have explained that my biggest life lessons are all jam-packed into a concentrated period of time, rather than spread out throughout my lifetime like most people. That doesn’t mean I won’t have more life lessons, but I’ve been in the middle of intensive training, so to speak. Hit it all early, and I’m grateful for it. I went through periods where I thought I resented not having “normal” teenage years, a “normal” college experience, a “normal” young 20s experience – but the truth is I really don’t resent it. I was happy to skip ahead even though it was “hard” – I feel like this is the juicy stuff.
Anyway, here’s what I know about transformation as a way of living – because things shift and change so quickly, I have to be very self aware every day and check in on if what was resonant for me before truly is still resonant for me now. The truth is that things can change overnight. Relationships can change in an instant – new people walk in, “old” people walk out. What I was passionate about before, I could be bored with today. So I’ve learned to just flow with it and honor what’s true for me now. I feel grateful, honestly, that I very much get pushed there. I really couldn’t resist it if I tried. Because that’s the thing – most people don’t live the lives they want because they choose to stay where they’re at. To get to the next chapter, we have to close the old one. We have to release what isn’t aligned with the future us. We have to be honest with ourselves about what we’ve outgrown. We have to be okay with things changing. How many people crave a different life, but they’re unwilling to make a change? Most.
So, while many people dread Pluto, we’ve become good friends. And while transformation might be scary for some, I’ve learned that leaning into it is the fastest way to living my desires.
